My New Reality- Diabetes

Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. Often if one is neglected, or becomes ill, the other will follow suit eventually. During my days in mental illness, and on the far side of mental recovery, I let my physical health fall to the wayside. I could have gotten a way with it too if it weren’t for the conditions I already have physically.

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. As a result, I was predisposed to developing diabetes. Well, I am no longer on the predisposed side. Recent blood work showed that I am now diabetic, as my blood sugar after fasting was 6.9. When I heard that I felt like I could hear my body laughing at me, and the judge slamming their mallet down: This was my punishment for letting mental illness run my life, and give into it in the form of eating a lot of fast food, not caring the kind of carbohydrates I was eating, and not bothering with exercise.

In hindsight I can see that it was due to my depression: My life is hopeless, who cares what I do with my body? Not a Christ-like attitude, nor even a responsible adult attitude. Just the attitude of someone who was convinced she was stuck and had no way out. I could sit down on my butt and assume the same thing, couldn’t I?

I could assume this is the end of the world. I could assume this is entirely fair, and kick myself for what I should and shouldn’t have done over these past 4 years or so. I could do all that and all I would accomplish is remaining miserable, and being back where I was just over a year ago. It won’t make diabetes go away and it won’t help me to move forward.

Instead I will simply say it is what it is and I will act accordingly. I cannot change what I did in the past. All I can do is change for the better, and change for the future. I will practice good self care, and I will control my diabetes. Just like with DBT I learned to control my Borderline!


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