This poem was read during this radio interview for CHIN 91.9 FM in Toronto. Thank you to Dave Williams for having me and Lemoi over!:
sadness because one has no friends or company.
- “feelings of depression and loneliness”
adjective & adverb
adjective: alone; adverb: alone
having no one else present; on one’s own.
- “she was alone that evening”
Sadness because none are close
So easily covered and hidden
yet explodes when you least want or expect it
God says I am never alone
Yet I feel so alone
I am with my Dad and Anna
More like I’m the lonely 3rd wheel
I want real friends
more than just online…
where are you my friends?
Oh right, no point
only here for 1 mo, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 2mo
Cannot find as I only connect so well
I have asperger’s, I cannot read the ques…
Only so many read me
So few understand how lonely I am
The assurances fall on deafening ears now
Until I can find stability and permanence
Until I can find people like me…
God is with me, yet…
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that [a man wor wo] should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”
Yet God created me to do without romance and the partnership He found for Adam
What is there for me?
Am I to be a lonely Jeremiah
No wife, no children as they will all be destroyed anyway?
Or am I to be like Ezekiel, where company and loved ones are always taken away?
Or am I going to be like David who drives loved ones away via her own actions?
Or am I going to be none of those?
Will I be a Job who loses for no reason on earth?
Will this loneliness serve a greater good?
Will I be sanctified more in the Spirit?
Or will I just sit on my ass
Alone. To have no others
Have no others like oneself
Just alone, quite lonely
It is sad given how many friends I had before
Tragic and depressing…
No wonder I still am depressed
Where is my hope?
Where is my faith?
Author’s Note: I wrote this poem back in the summer of 2012 when I realized something wasn’t right with my mind. I later learned that the “wasn’t right” was Borderline Personality Disorder. Between then and now I’ve come to accept parts of myself, and work towards living with BPD as an advantage, instead of a hindrance. I post this poem here, and read it on the radio, to let people, especially youth, know that they are not alone. Whether it’s God, family, friends, people they encounter online, or even going to a giant city like Toronto they are not alone.