Lonely- A Poem

This poem was read during this radio interview for CHIN 91.9 FM in Toronto. Thank you to Dave Williams for having me and Lemoi over!:

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lone·li·ness

ˈlōnlēnəs/

noun

noun: loneliness

sadness because one has no friends or company.

  1. “feelings of depression and loneliness”

a·lone

əˈlōn/

adjective & adverb

adjective: alone; adverb: alone

having no one else present; on one’s own.

  1. “she was alone that evening”

Loneliness

Sadness because none are close

So easily covered and hidden

yet explodes when you least want or expect it

God says I am never alone

Yet I feel so alone

I am with my Dad and Anna

More like I’m the lonely 3rd wheel

I want real friends

more than just online…

where are you my friends?
Oh right, no point

only here for 1 mo, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 2mo

Cannot find as I only connect so well

I have asperger’s, I cannot read the ques…

Only so many read me

So few understand how lonely I am

The assurances fall on deafening ears now

Until I can find stability and permanence

Until I can find people like me…

Forever alone

God is with me, yet…

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that [a man wor wo] should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”

Yet God created me to do without romance and the partnership He found for Adam

What is there for me?

Am I to be a lonely Jeremiah

No wife, no children as they will all be destroyed anyway?

Or am I to be like Ezekiel, where company and loved ones are always taken away?

Or am I going to be like David who drives loved ones away via her own actions?
Or am I going to be none of those?

Will I be a Job who loses for no reason on earth?

Will this loneliness serve a greater good?

Will I be sanctified more in the Spirit?

Or will I just sit on my ass

Alone.

Alone. To have no others

Have no others like oneself

Just alone, quite lonely

It is sad given how many friends I had before

Tragic and depressing…

No wonder I still am depressed

Where is my hope?

Where is my faith?

Author’s Note: I wrote this poem back in the summer of 2012 when I realized something wasn’t right with my mind. I later learned that the “wasn’t right” was Borderline Personality Disorder. Between then and now I’ve come to accept parts of myself, and work towards living with BPD as an advantage, instead of a hindrance. I post this poem here, and read it on the radio, to let people, especially youth, know that they are not alone. Whether it’s God, family, friends, people they encounter online, or even going to a giant city like Toronto they are not alone.

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